Clareon: Queens Blade

***DISCLAIMER***

The following is a “review”, of sorts, written out by Claire Daniels (@KatKisser). She's been bugging about doing one for a while and I've always allowed her. In fact, I'm always looking for outside writings to go along this blog page. Anything you wish to submit. Anyway, I won't take up anymore of your time. Please enjoy her efforts. :)

Katalina Star

@NaughtyKatalina

My turn to try for a “review”. I can't promise it's gonna be as in depth as Pet's or perhaps as interesting, but there's some things I wanna say about this series I've given another rewatch (for the most part) that I just have to get out there. For starters, I have watched the entire series through once and this most recent viewing was up to a certain point where I knew what was coming and...just couldn't go through it a second time. I'll get to that later. So while this won't be a episode by episode breakdown, I'll mostly be focusing on some of the characters as well as a few of the fights. So, with all that said, I hope you enjoy.

CLAIREON: “QUEENS BLADE”

When you said review, you used quotations. Why?

Because it's more of a bitchfest than an actual review. I mean, not entirely one but certainly the bitchiness of this blog will outdo any positives I write up. But I don't want people thinking I hate or even dislike the series, I just thought there could be more for the story.

What is the story?

A tournament is being held to determine the next Queen of the realm with...questionable power and control. There are a few factions that don't look upon her word as their law so it's a little complicated. But complicated only for the story. Which is essentially all these female warriors vie for the spot of becoming Queen. Oh, and for a fair number of them, their armor is incredibly skimpy. And tons of nudity, if you go for the uncensored version.

Each character has their own reason for participating and for every strong one there's at least two or three weaker ones. Part of this review is going to be listing my top five from each side. So not every character is going to be listed, but I'll try and make mention of as many of the characters I can. Who knows? Might get lucky and hit a strike. :)

Will there be spoilers?

Oh god yes. Tons. I'm spoiling the entire series from beginning to end with no regard. So if you've already seen it or don't care, then please keep reading. If not, then stop and go watch. :)

TOP 4 “WHY AM I DOING THIS FOR REALS?” CHARACTERS

4) Cattleya

So one look at her tells you exactly why she's in the tournament, or in the show itself. She enlists (under the guidance of Leina) to advertise herself so her lost husband can potentially see her and come home. Except...that don't need to happen. See, Leina knew where Cattleya was and she only just began to fight. She needed her blacksmith expertise to repair her sword. Not to mention a dwarven blacksmith, Ymir, found out where she was and came to her too. So...who's to say her husband can't do the same? I mean, Cattleya's weapons and skills are supposed to be world renown so if he was alive, wouldn't he hear something of her whereabouts? She's not exactly a traveling blacksmith. Then when she loses she has to return home anyway. So all that advertising herself in the tournament does nothing. Cattleya, stay home. Your husband will hear of you and get there.

3) Alleyne

This one bothers me so, so much. Because I love the look and the attitude of her. So much so it brings me great joy to have her in my Claire's Battle of Fun series. But she just sorta shows up with no explanation after saying multiple times she won't be leaving the village. Yet there she is, palling up again with Nowa and in the tournament. Even though Nowa kinda needs the tournament and there can only be one winner. Alleyne...why couldn't you just be like Shizuka and stay on the sidelines? Why? I wubbed you.

2) Risty

A secondary character who is the thief with a heart of gold. Problem is, she's doing fine without entering any tournament. She's just there to help the main character along (and seeing as how she's listed below, you see how well she does) and provide support...before ditching her. For some reason. To make her tougher? You're not even in the tournament yet, you're on your way to the tournament. Why can't you travel together there? Why you suddenly gotta be a bitch? Then get all evil when your mind becomes corrupted? She's only there for the feels when she and Leina do fight in the tournament, but by then it's like...who cares? You got cold, Risty, so much so Mr. Freeze would need to raise the temperature in the room.

1) Leina

How does it come to this? She's supposed to be the main freakin' character of the series and she's my number one here? How? Why? Because she has absolutely, positively no reason to even be in the tournament! She's an heir to a throne running away from home only to be put on some other throne. Like...why? To help her people? Yeah, she sees their plight but she would have been a helluva lot more useful in fixing that from her own kingdom's throne. Yet she leaves the people to suffer and goes out on her own prompting her two sisters to have to chase after her.

About the only time she was ever useful was when she was made Menace's slave. That's it. Because at least there she. Had. Purpose. So quite frankly, she should've kept that way a few more episodes. Or, better yet, the remainder of the series! I mean it's not like we'd be missing much as the show had a secondary character who was much more involved, much more motivated, much more everything! Then what's worse is at the start of the second season...SHE ABDICATES THE THRONE!!! Leina, sorry, girl, but go back to Menace.

TOP 3 JUST PLAIN AWESOMES

3) Nowa

A tragic story in this part given that Nowa is half elf-half human. So when she was born she was pretty much shunned by the humans and when she left and was picked up to live in the elf village, by Alleyne, she was pretty much shunned because of her human side! She just couldn't catch a break. However, because of Alleyne, she began to enjoy living with the elves and worked to help defend it. The place where people hated her, even in the end, she worked to keep it safe. Damn elves, love her as much as I do!

Anyway, she's kinda pushed into the tournament during an incident involving Airi and some dead trees. Airi being someone I'll get to. So basically, she has no choice but she goes through with it because she just wants to belong. Alleyne is even there to send her off, which makes it even more puzzling when she just randomly shows up and is taking part herself. I mean, it's awesome the two are together again because it means their relationship can further blossom but...yeah. Hm? Oh, there's a bit of a tease that the two have feelings for one another that expand beyond trainer and student. A lot further.

Oh, and they don't wear panties. Either of them. Just...thought I'd throw that little bit in there.

2) Nyx

So people who only ever watched the first twelve episodes would go “Who?” Nyx is one of the few characters to not come in until the second half of the first series, which was a shame considering her deep connection with one of the main characters. Her story is a tragic one in that when she was younger she lived as a personal maid for Elina, Leina's sister. Elina was a...bitch barely even describes it. She was basically corrupted by her own sense of entitlement and power. She was a princess and therefore those beneath her were lucky to even catch a glimpse of her beauty. So, yeah, Nyx had an incredibly hard time growing up being that close to that attitude.

She enters the tournament when Elina does, with hopes of confronting her former Mistress and setting things right. Unfortunately, along her travels (before the series) she comes into contact with a fire staff called Funikura. A staff with a mind of its own and often uses it's other magic to increase Nyx's willpower by...I'm just going to say tentacle porn and hope you all understand what I'm talking about. Lol Though it would make sense she needs it (not...the tentacles all inside her, that's just added in). Having grown up being humiliated her will would be damn near non existent. But she gets her fight and, even though Elina doesn't remember her, gets her moment on top. Unfortunately, Nyx surrenders the contest when her staff is taken from her. A chance for growth that would have made her one of my top favorite characters of the series, but at least the opportunity to change isn't wasted on another...

Does it all mean she should have been involved in the tournament? Yes. Because Elina is kinda the captain of the guard in her kingdom, a kingdom that has a fairly large army. So if Nyx just went there to confront Elina, then chances are if she wasn't killed during the fight she'd have been caught and executed. Therefore...she needs to be in the tournament. Not for the tournament itself, but definitely for the fight.

1) Tomoe

For everything Leina screws up in over being a main character? Tomoe makes up for. While Leina is just some runaway who trades one throne for another, Tomoe is actually driven by purpose. It's a purpose that makes sense really only to her, but it's a purpose. See, she's chosen out from her entire clan to take part in the tournament in effort to gain support in freeing the Queen of their own land. However, her entire clan is killed that night and so she makes a personal vow to also win the tournament for them and continue the legacy of their clan. Epic. At least when compared to Leina. Along the way she travels with the female ninja, Shizuka. Shizuka isn't a part of the tournament, she's just an added side character. Sorta like what Alleyne should have been if she wanted to avoid her spot on my list.

Throughout the series, they actually do a really good job of setting the scene of her being a true protagonist. You want to see her succeed while enjoying the bonding she has with Shizuka. Nothing sexual, they just become good friends. I mean, when I first watched the series and it was brought down to Leina and Tomoe in the finals, I was like “Awesome. I don't know who's gonna win! I'm so excited!” Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut then they done fucked it up. They fucked it up hard.

See, there were some government officials from Tomoe's homeland that didn't want her to win. They quite enjoyed having the Queen under their thumb. So, after having executed the attack on her clan, they put up a bounty on her head and you'll never guess who they hired to collect. YEP! It was Shizuka. Swerve! Shizuka comes out with the truth so they have to fight to the death. Tomoe wins, Shizuka dies, Tomoe becomes a demon. Why? Because good versus good battle of excitement needs to be replaced with predictable good versus evil fight. Sigh... I can't even blame Tomoe for this, which is why she's still number one on this list. It's really all the writers and the need for a swerve. I lost all excitement for the series after that and it's what stopped me from finishing it a second time.

AWESOME WARDROBES

or

JAMI, THIS IS THE PART YOU NEED TO READ BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. WELL, I KNOWYOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE AND IF YOU DON'T READ THIS I'LL SICK HARVEY ON YOU THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE DOWN. THEN AGAIN, HE REALLY LOVES HIS AUNTIE JAMI. MOSTLY THAT BIT WHERE YOU SCRATCH THAT ONE SPOT RIGHT UNDERNEATH OF HIS JAW. THE ONE WHERE HE MAKES THOSE ADORABLE LITTLE NOISES. SO HE MIGHT JUST COME LOOKING FOR THAT INSTEAD. BUT I WON'T GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT IF YOU DON'T READ THIS. THEN AGAIN, THAT'S NOT VERY FAIR. YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND I LOVE GIVING MY FRIENDS THEIR DISCOUNTS. HOLD ON, HOW MUCH OF THIS HAVE I TYPED?

One of the interesting things about Queen's Blade is that a lot of the characters were all designed by outside individuals or companies. So they all represent a different avenue of sexy. That said, while some kind of go cliche with their approach, a few come out looking quite unique. Here's a few of my favorites.

1) Melona

Okay, so first look some might say “Okay, she's got a skimpy outfit and her breasts are practically hanging out.” Plus she has rabbit ears and sneakers! But the way her gels into hands, given she's a slime monster, over her breasts actually works to her advantage. One of her powers, hear me out, is that she can spray acid out from her nipples via squeezing her breasts. Just...gonna let that one simmer for a moment. It's not super powerful acid, it just eats up clothes, wood, and occasionally weapons. And nothing else. It might burn a little, but if it does then it definitely doesn't show. But those gel hands can become like real hands and just out of the blue give a squeeze spraying the acid over her opponents when they least expect it.

2) Alleyne

Look at her! It's honestly like they started and just kept going and things worked out so well. The hat, the suit, the guantlets, the lack of panties, everything! It just...works! I know, I hated on her some and I just wanna give out a good positive for her. :)

3) Echidna

While the top portion of her suit is kinda generic, it's the bottoms that draw the eye. Yes, that is indeed a snake wrapped around her hips and over her crotch. A snake that gets used from time to time to poison people, like Leina. It'll slither up, bite, then slither back and wrap itself into place. Well trained. If only Harvey would be as calm in my bra...

FAVORITE BITS

-ALLEYNE!!!

-Aria is another of my favorite characters. She starts evil, given that when she's first introduced she's kinda killing off a forest to feed herself, but actually shows signs of changing her ways in the end. Like she might become good after witnessing some things. I like that she actually grew as a character in that.

-The second ending theme. It comes in three parts but they're so fun and different from what I've heard from series before. I often wander the store humming it to myself.

-Did I mention Alleyne?

-While her reason for being in the tournament is neither good nor bad, I do kinda like Nanael's situation. It's humorous and while she's a bit of a bitch I enjoyed her scenes. Particularly when she gets together and discovers Melphi's methods of worship. They're overly erotic poses. :P

-Melona's ending comes fairly swiftly and it makes sense, considering she figures she can just take on the Queen, Aldra, right away. Yeeeeeeeah, turns out she can't so now she's a crystal statue.

That's really about it. I hope this wasn't too boring. I did try to be a little diverse in some areas. If you disagree, please be certain to let me know. But...in a calm manner. Until next time, bye!