The following are a series of stories detailing the coming out and acceptance of such from a few of my closest friends. This is meant more as a means of helping those with conflicted thoughts to know they aren't alone and how perfectly natural it is to feel certain ways. So I hope you find assistance in this and best of luck with your future. :)
Katalina Star
@NaughtyKatalina
___________________________________________________________________________________
Claire Daniels
My name is Claire Lisa Daniels and I identify myself as a lesbian. I found out, believe it or not, this time last year. (Laughs) I know there are more stories out there where people say they found out when they were younger but I grew up believing I was more bi than anything. I liked the girls I liked the guys. As I grew older I started hanging out more with the guys, dressing like them, listening to the same kind of music. Heavy metal! Yeah! Um...
I lost my virginity to a man when I was just out of high school. My friends and I went to this concert for this no name garage band from the area and it was like an extra five bucks for a backstage pass. I bought one thinking it'd be cool while my friends just sorta laughed at me. When I was backstage it was actually kind of boring. The band didn't...really grasp how to be a band backstage. I knew I couldn't go back to my friends with nothing to tell so I both lost my virginity and became a groupie that very night. My friends called me a slut but I didn't really think anything of it. Yeah it was a three on one gang bang but it was my first time so how could I be a slut? I kept doing it because my friends wanted to keep hearing about it.
Things got a little scary a year or so down the road. I thought I was becoming a nymphomaniac as I couldn't control the rush I felt I needed and, because of that, I found respecting myself harder and harder to accomplish. I mean I wasn't just fucking bands anymore. I was fucking agents, roadies, other groupies. It was horrible. The worst moment, though I would later find out was kind of a neat one, was giving a blowjob on stage to a guitarist during a performance. The neat part was that I wasn't the only one up there as someone who would become a dear friend of mine, not gonna give their name but you know who you are, was on stage as well.
For the first time I felt awful walking off stage as I was told to just wait in the dressing room while the crowd joyfully chanted “Slut!” in my direction. It was the first time I actually felt that way, that I felt powerless to control who I was. I didn't go back to the dressing room. Instead I just took a long walk home to think. In the end I enrolled myself in these group therapy sessions, which turned out to be this ultra religious group that took people like myself and turned them into protesters. “Protest what made you this way and you'll be cured” or whatever. I was part of a protest against Kat but, well, you know what happened there.
Piggy play was my thing because I still felt incredibly dirty about myself. I was still disgusted in who I was and rolling in mud while oinking just felt like the best way to deal with it. Being degraded on a crowd level really pushed the thought home that I wasn't going to amount to much anyway, so why bother? Oinking on all fours was actually quite therapeutic. I started to enjoy myself, I still didn't have much confidence in who I was, but I started dating under Kat's umbrella. I dated her sister for a bit (eye roll) and then I dated a baker. I still thought of myself as bi at the time as I thought I just needed to rebuild my confidence before I could do anything with a guy again.
When I met Katie I was working public relations for Kat's Foxy Boxing promotion. Still hard to believe she took my relationship advice seriously back then. (Laughs) But we soon started dating and, through her actions, I really started to feel my confidence come back up once more. When we were engaged I, as a bi, asked myself if this meant I was a lesbian now. Kat would later tell me it was a stupid question to ask myself but the answer startled me. The best way I can describe it is that it's like my whole life I've felt like I was falling down this endless abyss. When I first thought of myself as a lesbian it felt as though I had landed on this giant pile of ultra soft pillows that I could really snuggle myself into. I thought about guys again after that and it felt to me like I was falling again.
Telling my parents the news wasn't that hard of a deal as I knew it wouldn't be. This is the part that probably differs my story quite a bit from others. My parents are polymouros, in fact they live with their lovers. My mom was most likely getting eaten out by another woman when I was calling her anyway. (Laughs)
My advice for anyone would be that these things can take time. Clearly. (Laughs) There's no need to rush what comes natural. I mean you wouldn't rush a flower out of the ground, would you? Savor the journey, let it give you time to think and when you're ready...you're ready. You're ready to enjoy who you are and who you are with.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Stacy Marie Jones
My name is Stacy Marie Jones and I identify myself as a lesbian, however I didn’t always think that I was as a couple of my relationships in the past have been with men, Hell, my longest relationship to date was with a man. For most of my life, I thought I was bi because well, I liked guys but I also found myself admiring the female form as well.
My first time was actually with a woman, she was my best friend in high school, Hell, she was my only friend and now she’s marrying a dear friend of mine and she has her first child with him now. My adopted parents had gone away together on a holiday and my adopted brother had recently moved out so I was on my own. I was bored so I called her up and asked if she wanted to come over for a sleepover, have a few drinks, eat junk food, watch some movies, y’know? One thing led to another, we were both super drunk and without going into too much detail, we did it and it was a truly magical experience, I remember every moment of it because I’m one of these people who no matter how drunk I get, I still remember everything that happened.
It wasn’t until I left school that I had my first proper relationship, and in turn, my first relationship with a guy. This relationship isn’t one I like to talk about too much as I have a lot of bad memories from it. He was a violent drunk and whenever I would go out to wrestling training, once I got back he’d accuse me of cheating on him and he’d beat me. He used to abuse me both physically and mentally, broke my collarbone once and basically made me feel worthless. Eventually I’d had enough and finally walked away from him forever, our relationship didn’t even last a year.
My longest relationship was next and that was six years with five years of marriage and two children. By this point, I started to consider myself straight actually as I’d felt that I had finally found who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, because of course you would think that if you’d had five years of marriage and two children with someone. But it was when I was with him that I started to feel like there was something missing, something just...didn’t feel right, and then I met this woman that I’m not going to name because I swore I would never speak her name again.
So after meeting this woman, I immediately fell in love with her so I talked with my husband about it and he was actually only the third person I’d actually come out too, I’ll get to the other two later. I was expecting him to hate me for it, but he was actually very understanding about it, despite it probably killing him inside, something I still feel guilty about to this day, even though he’s now moved on and is set to marry someone who completes him in every way.
Things with that woman didn’t last very long due to her being jealous of a woman I was training to wrestle, Katie Moicelle, now known as Katie Daniels. My fiance thought I was cheating on her with Katie and cheating is something I have never done, nor will I ever do it. We broke up and as a result, Katie and I got closer and eventually got into a relationship ourselves.
I’m rambling on here about my relationships I’ve noticed so I’m just going to say that things didn’t pan out with Katie either, we’re still close friends thankfully and right now, I’m currently in a relationship with Jennifer Lawson and we’re coming up to our year and a half anniversary of being together at the end of this year and I’ve never been happier.
The two people I came out too before my then husband were my adopted brother and my adopted father. My brother, it was easy because I felt like I could tell him absolutely anything, knowing he’d be cool with it, he was always there for me no matter what. I told my father when he was on his deathbed, and embarrassingly, after I told him I was bi, he just chuckled and said that he and my Mom knew because when I invited my friend over when they were away on vacation, my friend kinda left her underwear behind, which my parents found and they knew those didn’t belong to me.
My advice to anyone out there who are unsure what their sexuality is, you’ll figure it out with time, trust me. It might take days, months or even years but no matter what, just be you. I know that even in the year 2017, some people still frown upon people who are not straight but at the end of the day, love is an emotion and you can’t turn off emotions. You are allowed to love whoever you want, and don’t ever feel pressured into trying to change who you are. Don’t be bullied into thinking that you are wrong for loving the same sex or both sexes...or even transgender. Love is love, be proud of who you are.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Vicky & Roxie Stevenson
Vicky: Hello, everyone. My name is Vicky Anne Stevenson along with my lovely wife of seven interesting years...
Roxie: Roxie Roxanne Stevenson.
Vicky: And we were asked to do up this little recording for you describing our sexuality alongside our views, others views toward us, and end off with some advice. First, I want to say that I identify myself as being gay.
Roxie: Lesbian.
Vicky: It's the same thing.
Roxie: No it isn't. Being gay means you're a man and you aren't a man otherwise you'd be in my rocket.
Vicky: Feminist. Roxie,
Roxie: Yes?
Vicky: What would you say is the purpose of men?
Roxie: For my rocket.
Vicky: And what is the purpose of your rocket.
Roxie: To be shot into the sun.
Vicky: Roxie,
Roxie: Yes?
Vicky: Why are the men in the rocket?
Roxie: Because they're icky and I don't like them.
Vicky: Roxie,
Roxie: Yes?
Vicky: What if I were to...remind you that our son is male? Would he be on the rocket too?
Roxie: No. He'd be down there pushing the button with me.
Vicky: So saying all that, how would you identify yourself?
Roxie: Lesbian.
Vicky: I would say hardcore dyke with a strap on underneath your jeans.
Roxie: No, no, don't! Those things disgust me.
Vicky: Roxie,
Roxie: Yes?
Vicky: I love you.
Roxie: Aw.
Vicky: When I first thought that I was gay,
Roxie: Lesbian.
Vicky: I was actually only twelve years old and I really liked this other girl in class. I eventually asked her out to go shopping, something I took as me asking her out on a date while she just looked as it as a chance to go shopping. A big mistake on my part as I didn't know what I was really doing.
Roxie: Was she prettier than me?
Vicky: I don't think it really matters now. But no.
Roxie: Good. I don't want you calling her anymore.
Vicky: I...won't. Can I continue the story?
Roxie: Can you?
Vicky: I'd like to.
Roxie: By all means.
Vicky: So we were shopping,
Roxie: For what?
Vicky: Roxie...please?
Roxie: Oh. I forgot.
Vicky: So we were shopping and I kept trying to hold her hand, still thinking it was a date. Every time she kept coming up with excuses not to. She'd dust her hand, point out something, or just move it in behind herself. Eventually, she suddenly turned to me and asked “Are you gay?”
Roxie: Lesbian.
Vicky: A lesbian, but it's what she was saying. When she asked me that I just remember nodding and then her laughing. Then she started making fun of me, singling me out in the crowd as a few others, unfortunately decided to join in with her.
Roxie: Bitch. I don't mean like how I call you bitch, I mean I want to throttle her. Where is she?
Vicky: I don't know now.
Roxie: She's lucky.
Vicky: School was just as bad given she made it that way. However, there was a silver lining to this as it drew the attention of another girl who was wondering the same thing about herself and, long story short, we started going out.
Roxie: Are you still calling her?
Vicky: You had sex with her too, Roxie. Besides, no, I'm not still calling her. You should know that.
Roxie: Right. The whole...yeah.
Vicky: Anyway, fairly soon the insults weren't exactly phasing either of us as we just took them head on as a team for the next couple years. As our emotional bond grew we had to figure out a way to keep our physical bond going as well.
Roxie: Sex.
Vicky: That's exactly it, yes. We were still young so we couldn't just look it up properly. So the first thing we did was look up lesbian in the dictionary, no fooling. Then the encyclopedia, then whatever else we could get keeping as far from using a computer as possible. We figured if we were caught doing it there then it'd be all over. I mean everyone already figured we were a couple but if they knew we were wanting to expand our relationship then...yeah.
Roxie: Did you do it?
Vicky: Eventually. Well...sort of. Maybe. We did succumb to the pressure and looked it up at my home late at night. Although because I spent the rest of the night clearing out the history and cache for images and such, we couldn't partake in anything we learned. So we said we were going to try the following weekend.
Roxie: You didn't make iiiiiiiiiit.
Vicky: No...no, we did not. Wednesday we were in the library looking up more information when one thing led to another and we kissed. We dry humped a little and kissed a little more and got more excited for sex that we had to do it that night. We thought we were ready and don't start laughing already.
Roxie: It's just so silly how you two tried it.
Vicky: We felt ready, we felt we had looked up enough information. However, when you have two inexperienced lovers looking up the same thing for days while not properly planning things out...you come to a situation where one wants to scissor and the other wants to kiss. One wants to fondle and the other wants to sixty-nine. It was a horrendous experience that didn't leave either of us satisfied. So we just spent the night holding hands telling one another that we were gay.
Roxie: Leeeeeeeeesbiannnnnnnnn.
Vicky: We decided the next day we would tell our parents about it together and, when I told mine, she panicked. Ran away and left me because of how upset my parents looked. It was like I just came in and said “Yep. So I burnt down the garage. All gone.”
Roxie: You did?
Vicky: No. I was telling them that I loved women.
Roxie: The garage is safe then?
Vicky: Yes, it's safe. Right, so after my girlfriend left me I ran off as well. Dark stuff happened, blah, blah, blah and then I met you. And we hit it off fantastically. When we were dating we did a round two with my parents, who were much more ready for it by then and accepted us quite well. So my advice is unless someone gets angry, they aren't angry. So don't panic.
Roxie: That was a lovely story.
Vicky: What about you?
Roxie: I don't have one. I just came out and said I was a lesbian.
Vicky: Advice?
Roxie: Be yourself.
Vicky: Right.
Roxie: Question.
Vicky: Yes?
Roxie: Did you find what you were shopping for?
Vicky: In the mall? No. In life? Very much so.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Katalina Star
My name is Katalina Star and I identify myself, surprisingly enough, as a bi sexual. I say it that way because, for those that know me, despite my crippling fear I still feel a sort of desire toward men. I first felt something like this when I was in primary school and I was playing with a boy. I really wanted this one girl to join us and when I told the boy he got upset and left so I went and played with the girl instead. That's...not the best instance to describe one's sexual orientation but it was a drawing thought that I wanted to be with both. That and the next few years were spent on a differing path of self exploration. Details I don't need to bring up here again, suffice to say it led me to who I first told when I first felt a certain way.
I was still in training to be a dominatrix when I was asked who I preferred being with more, a man or woman. My Master and Mistress, whom these days I simply refer to as my dad and mum, meant profession wise but I found myself at a bit of a lull when it came to understanding just who I wanted to be with. I told them that I fancied both genders and left my answer at that. I was hoping for their guidance, but they just told me that I had a bit of a road ahead of me and squeezed my hand. I remember feeling a bit annoyed at their answer but looking back on it, it certainly made sense. They were just telling me not to rush my feelings. Just because I fancy both then doesn't mean I would later on so I needed to find out who I was.
I dated exclusively outside of the household. I know I could have just dated their live in, who was cute, or one of the clients but I wanted to fall in love for someone I could cherish of who they were and have the same thing for myself. That's why I was right up front with those I was dating, I wanted them to know my intentions for the future. Some were disgusted, leaving me on the porch. Others thought I was only looking for a plaything while others agreed right there to be that plaything. The ones who were accepting were the ones who got my full attention. The ones who wanted to be my playthings just got a session and that was it. (Laughs)
When mum and dad asked me how it was going I told them I still didn't quite know where I stood. They said I would figure it out and, over the next few years, I began to really intensify my relationships. I was engaged twice, nearly engaged a third time, and then I met and soon married Zoey. I know this is where some people would say “Ah, and this is when you realized you were a lesbian” to which I would answer...no. At the same time this is where the confusion begins when properly describing my orientation toward others.
I love Zoey, I love her dearly, she certainly scratches all of my itches. But being with her doesn't remove the fact that I'm also attracted toward men. This isn't a slight on her in any way nor is it a way to...keep myself from falling into the pit, as my biological parents put it, of being gay. My safety rope, as it were. I love Zoey, I always will. I mean, I can't imagine my life without her. However, there will just always be that “but” in there.
The problem becomes when some people say to me “You're with a woman, it means you're gay.” No. I'm bi. I saw a video recently that helped put this into a proper prospective for me in explaining it. Being bi...is being bi. If you're bi and with a woman, you're still bi. If you're bi and with a man...you're still bi. Being bi is not some exclusive deal for when you're single. It's not some free “play the field” card, that's called experimenting. There's a HUGE difference between the two.
Being bi doesn't say how I'm going to cheat on Zoey because she dissatisfies me in some way. She doesn't and I know she never will. I'm bi because I'm bi. When I told my mum and dad this they were quite proud that I had finally discovered who I was. I didn't tell my parents until I sent them an invite to the wedding. Over time I suppose their thought process had changed because they met Zoey, they loved her, and perhaps more importantly accepted her. They accepted us. I didn't introduce them to my mum and dad, because I felt meeting Zoey was enough for them for one day. (laughs)
Advice I would give to individuals would be the standard let time run its course, there's no need to rush who you are. For couples I have a bit more. Specifically to those breaking up because one side feels more of an attraction to their own sex. To the other I would say you didn't make them that way. You weren't such a horrible lover that you turned them against your gender. Unless they come out and say that and then they're just being spiteful. In the end, this isn't any excuse to get angry with them. They're just figuring out who they are. Be supportive. Just because the sex is gone doesn't mean you're relationship needs to go with it. Friendship is still incredibly vital, especially at a time like that. Support one another. Be there for one another. If nothing else, you'll have a special wing man/woman who already knows you so well.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Holly & Ariel Madison
Ariel: Hey, everyone!
Holly: Hi!
Ariel: We're here to discuss our coming out stories with you
all and, in a manner of deciding off this, I'll be going first.
Holly: Saving the best for last.
Ariel: We'll see. So anyway, my name is Ariel Madison and I
identify myself as a lesbian. I think when I first thought I was, I
was about fourteen. I don't quite recall what sparked it but I do
know that I immediately went and told my mother.
Holly: You two are so close.
Ariel: Around the time I told her, yes, after? Not so much. I
mean, she didn't panic or freak out but she did say that I was wrong.
Not wrong for thinking I was gay, but wrong that...I thought I was
gay.
Holly: She thought you were incorrect in your assumption.
Ariel: Right. From then on, however, I didn't know if it was
some form of hatred or spite but every girl I'd bring over, to either
hang out or do homework, she'd inform them that I thought I was gay.
I'm sure she did it more as a means of letting them know in case I
tried something...but it was still a severely bitchy thing to do.
Holly: Yeah.
Ariel: If it wasn't for my senior year I doubt we'd be talking
right now. But before that, other students caught wind of my
assumption and took it the way in which people who don't understand
something do. They teased me, pulled pranks on me, did all kinds of
mean, nasty things to me that only escalated over time. People who
didn't even know me got involved and soon it just became this “who
can top that person in making my life miserable?”
Holly: Our child won't be like that.
Ariel: No. Well of course not. But by senior year a small
group of people who had seen what I went through and were having the
same thoughts I was decided to form a club to sort of help one
another. I got invited in and, while at first I figured it had to be
another dirty prank, it turned out to be the home of my soon to be
closest friends and understanding of what I was going through. To be
honest, despite my mom's methods they did work out for the best.
People found out so I was ostracized, but it banded people together
to fight back against the bullying. Not that we ever confronted
anyone, we just turned to one another for support and eventually
things just faded away.
Holly: That's good.
Ariel: So because of that, I found it a little easier to talk
again with my mother and she's been okay with my sexuality ever since
and it was what I thought, that she believed in my unknowing state
I'd just randomly try things with my girl friends. She just lacked
the knowledge herself in how to deal with having a homosexual
daughter. So educate yourselves, even as a family.
Holly: Let coming out be a bonding experience, not something
to tear you away from everyone you care about. I know that's easier
said than done,
Ariel: Much easier.
Holly: But let your family or friends know that you're still
figuring things out and would like support. If they won't then...you
can't force them.
Ariel: Not even with a professional dominatrix.
Holly: No advertising the show. But we are on nightly.
Ariel: So your story?
Holly: Mine's a little different in that it wasn't until I was
an adult that I started having these feelings. Mainly because when I
was younger
Ariel: Nope. Not going that route.
Holly: Right, it doesn't give much to the story anyway. But I
was in the second or third year of my career when I started dating
two individuals named Kamen Ranger and Sarah Twilight. I...did make
love to both,
Ariel: Slut.
Holly: You know I've already accepted that.
Ariel: I know, I just like saying it.
Holly: But I knew I had to choose. Unfortunately, or maybe
fortunately, for Kamen,
Ariel: Unfortunately.
Holly: I chose Sarah. But it wasn't just her, it was that I
was also developing feelings for my partner, Lady Marie, at the time.
Ariel: Who you all know as Catherine.
Holly: Right. So when I came out...I came out to the world. I
went out during a live broadcast and made the announcement. My
parents had already disowned me by that point so I doubt they even
knew before they died, but my trainer at the time took incredible
amounts of offense going so far as to nearly break my arm because of
it.
Ariel: Homophobe?
Holly: No. It was more she thought me coming out and dating
was going to distract me from my training.
Ariel: Shows what she knows. Two-time world champion.
Holly: I'm not one for keeping count. After that, though,
things were alright. Lady Marie was going through the same thing at
the time as me so I knew we could help one another out. Even if she's
hardly one to let herself get emotional.
Ariel: Any advice?
Holly: Probably...don't make a grand spectacle of your coming
out. It should be a private, very personal thing held between
yourself and your closest loved ones. Coming out shouldn't be like
ripping off a bandaid because all it does it invite so, so much
negativity from those who don't understand. Luckily, I wasn't too far
in my career that a lot of people noticed so I didn't get too much
heat.
Ariel: That's good and what's also good is being with those
you love and who love you.
Holly: We both hope this helped you all out and wish you each
the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Ariel: Bye!!!
Holly: Bye!
No comments:
Post a Comment